“Which
college would you pick for him?” the parents of a junior asked as we wrapped up
a parent conference the last week of April.
I gave my standard response, which is that it is not my job to tell a
student where they should go but rather to help them figure out what is right
for them.
Within
a couple of days I was forced to rethink both the sanctity and the strength of
that core belief when May 1 arrived with four of my seniors unable to decide
where they would deposit. That’s more
than I ever remember, although it is possible I have repressed previous years
in order to maintain my sanity.
I’m
not sure why more students struggled this year to make a final decision. Did the weeks I missed this spring after
surgery prevent me from having the kinds of post-decision conversations I
normally have? Have we not given this
generation the tools and practice in decision-making? Or is the answer the same found in so many
SAT multiple-choice questions, “None of the above”?
The
four situations had little in common.
One student had a choice between an Ivy and a full scholarship at one of
the nation’s best liberal-arts colleges.
A second was trying to parse the differences between the business
programs at comparable institutions. A
third was trying to resolve the conflict between what his gut was telling him
and what his family and friends were telling him. And the last was mourning the reality of the
choices available to him, a reality that shouldn’t have surprised him but
nevertheless did.
Making
the final choice is the hardest part of the college process for many
students. Up to that point it is all
about possibilities and options, but on May 1 choosing one door means closing
others permanently.
One
of the major factors contributing to difficulty in choosing is the myth (I
prefer the term “Suburban Legend”) that says a student will have that moment
when they fall in love with a particular school. That myth can be paralyzing for students who
haven’t had that experience, and I am quick to point out that the “fall in love”
moment is far from universal and that those blinded by love may actually make
worse college decisions.
One
of the negative consequences of the growth of college admissions as an industry
is that we have lost focus on the college search and admissions processes as
essential developmental steps in the transition from adolescence to
adulthood. Choosing where to go to
college is not an end in itself, but part of a student’s journey of
self-discovery. As such how one chooses
is ultimately more important than where one chooses. College selection should be transformational
in the same way that a college education should be transformational.
Deciding
where to attend college might qualify as the first adult decision for many
young people. Adult decisions are
important rather than trivial, and they have significant long-term consequences. They also don’t have easy, obvious answers. There is no perfect or obvious choice, so you
make the best choice you can, weighing and balancing the pros and cons of each
option.
Several
years ago the Wall Street Journal ran
an article with the intriguing title, “What’s Wrong With the Teenage Mind?” What indeed?
The article argues that there is a widening gap between the onset of
adolescence and the onset of adulthood, resulting in “teenage weirdness.” The causes are complex (or else I’m not smart
enough to understand them). There are
two different neural systems that interact in the development into adults, and
they don’t work as well in sync as they once did. One system has to do with emotion and
motivation, and the other with judgment and control. The first is tied to the changes that occur
at puberty, while the second is tied to the development of the prefrontal
cortex, the part of the brain that inhibits impulses and allows long-term
thinking and planning. The key
ingredient in the development of sound decision-making is experience. It is only by practice in making decisions
that one learns how to make decisions.
At
one time in history children prepared for adulthood through formal and informal
apprenticeships, practicing the skills they would need as adults with
supervision. Today in our zeal to protect
our children, we don’t give them the opportunity to practice making
decisions. I would like to see us have a
discussion about how the college search and application processes might
function as preparation for the major life decisions students will make the
rest of their lives.
That
probably marks me as clueless—I prefer the descriptor “idealist.” Certainly the college admissions process as
currently practiced would have to change, and it is not clear that colleges see
anything wrong with the current process.
That’s
the meta-issue. But how do you help a
student decide when it’s May 1, a deposit is due by the end of the day, and you’ve
made clear that double-depositing is not an option?
I
try to focus on being an asker of questions rather than a provider of
answers. Why would you pick college A over
university B? What would prevent you
from choosing it? Is there any
information that might help you make the choice? When those fail, my default question is,
Which one will you regret not choosing?
That question helped two of my four identify their leanings.
I
also use the counseling technique of reflecting back to them what I am hearing
them say, either validating or challenging their perceptions. In doing so I have to be careful not to let
my own personal agenda get in the way, i.e. what is the impact on the college
list (a topic I hope to address in my next post). I tell students that there is not a bad
choice to be made, but rather a choice between good and good, and sometimes
even point to Robert Frost’s poem, “The Road Less Travelled,” which makes the
point that the act of choice itself makes a decision right or good.
All
four of my students made a choice by the end of the day, but within a week two
of them had other options, one getting off a Wait List and the other
successfully appealing a denial at a school which uses the appeal process like
a Wait List.
Why
is it that I end the college admissions year feeling like a reality-show
contestant, relieved not to have been voted off the island for another
episode? Why indeed?
P.S. The previous post was also selected by insidehighered.com
as one of two daily selections for its Around the Web feature, the fifth time
that’s happened.
